![]() ![]() It is about how they feel, what they think, and why they do what they do. Temporary peace is achieved only when the PD gets their way. When there is little chaos, they tend to create something out of nothing just to complain about it. Yet, the PD seems to thrive in such environments. The amount of stress generated in the home is completely unnecessary. Even when a third party points out an issue, that person becomes the latest target for the PD. ![]() It is always the spouses fault at some level. If spoken at all, the words, Im sorry, are usually followed by a qualifier like but you There is no real acceptance of responsibility or accountability. Typical ones include verbal assaults, isolating from friends and family, gaslighting, intimidation, sexual coercion, dichotomous thinking, and withholding of money. In order to get some compliance out of a spouse, the PD often resorts to some type of abusive and manipulative behavior. The truth is constantly twisted by the PDs distortion of reality. Interestingly, the PD often projects these behaviors onto the spouse in an effort to divert the negative attention away from them. While it may not be very evident, there is a pattern of futile exaggerations, avoidance of sensitive subjects, and omission of key information. For the spouse, there is a continual feeling that they are being lied to by the PD.Individual therapy for both which addresses the personality issues and incorporates new boundaries can be quite effective when both parties want to preserve the marriage. Most PDs are very good at veering the attention towards their wants and desires while persecuting their spouse. Traditional couples therapy or seminars have little lasting effect on the PD. Rather, the PD tries to mold the spouse into a more subordinate and subservient position so they have more influence to control. However, the PD doesnt want the spouse to get psychologically healthy, that might cause them to leave. PDs will talk about change but what they really mean is that the spouse needs to change to accommodate them. ![]() After a while, the spouse begins to enjoy when the PD is not at home because the atmosphere is lighter and less stressful. As a result, the spouse becomes good at reading the PD to see what kind of night it is going to be. The spouse feels like they are walking on eggshells around the PD trying to avoid potential hot buttons. But once they become comfortable, the mask is removed and they are contrary. If the PD wants to impress someone, they are amazingly on. While the disorder is pervasive (in every environment), it usually takes on a distinctive flair for different people. There is the version of self that the PD has with friends and another one at home. The spouse develops anxiety, appears distressed, is discouraged and even depressed. The PD has convinced the spouse that they are the problem with a laundry list of faults, failures, and fears. Often they cant make sense or effectively communicate what is happening in the marriage. The spouse feels like they are losing their mind. Even though the PD existed during dating, it did not become apparent until married. Each has their own flare of ego-centered behavior, inflexibility, distortion, and impulse control In multiple environments beginning in adolescence. ![]() There are several types of personality disorders (PD): paranoid, schizoid, schizotypal, anti-social, borderline, histrionic, narcissistic, avoidant, dependent, and obsessive-compulsive. ![]()
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